[In contrast to ill rumours that the Official Founders were sitting around drinking on New Year's Eve and came up with some crude idea of a Utilitarian church here is the true origination of this most wholey endeavor.]
The First Utilitarian Church of Knowledge is an off-shoot from the Holy Exspurt Lords of Life organization headquartered in Driftwood, Texas. The Lords of Life worshipped the "Holy Experts" to degrees deemed impractical to several of its members including myself. The Holy Expert Lords of Life is pastored by the famous Dr. Duwitt Mighway who cajoled the members away from self-reliance into an over-zealous adoration of the Almighty Holy Xpert Himself. Thus we have formed our F. U. Church of Knowledge.
At one point in the final meeting it exuberant shouting could be heard up and down the valley between these two dividing forays. I recall hearing shouts of "The Xpert is the ONE and ONLY TRUE One to be worshipped!" with replies of "Bullshit! You're crazy!" by the break-off rabble.
At one point the supporters of Duwitt chanted repeatedly:
"Duwitt! Duwitt! Duwitt"
with replies of:
"Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!"It was a horrible scene.
At the final climax when the newly birthing F.U. Church of Knowledge members marched out of the Driftwood haven of Exspurt worshippers there were chants of shouts from the mother church in support of their leader:
"DUWITT MIGHWAY!
DUWITT MIGHWAY!
DUWITT MIGHWAY!
DUWITT MIGHWAY!"
countered with over shouts of:
"F U!
F U!
F U!
F U!"
It was a horrible scene.
But such are the horrors of traumatic births everywhere.
And thus began our humble origins.
And to all future members who are willing in response to agree with us whenever the cries of "Duwitt Mighway!" with a resounding "F U!" we humbly welcome.
Come join us and be free of Exspurt worship.
Yours Truly,
Rev. Sanders
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